


you can't have it all

by slythos



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Messy Pacing, They're just teenagers, doesnt mean they resolve it though, figuring stuff out, not really what it looks like, some tags are platonic, you'll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-26 18:41:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14408181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slythos/pseuds/slythos
Summary: "Honestly," Donghyuck complained around a mouthful of popcorn. "are you this panicked gay that you can't choose between Renjun and Jaemin?"





	you can't have it all

**Author's Note:**

> pause. before you proceed, i would strongly recommend you to please take the time to review the tags for this fic very carefully and keep them in mind as to prevent misunderstandings. thank you. play. 
> 
> [fist bumps air triumphantly] finally

 “Choose one,” he says.

Oh, Jeno will choose one alright.

“You can’t have them both.”

Jeno shrugs. “I wasn’t planning to.”

 

* * *

 

 

The first time Jeno found out two of his best friends like him, Donghyuck laughed at him. Hard. Actually, “laughing” was a weak way to put it.  He was _mocking_ him with all the accentuated " _MWAHAHAHA"s_ _while simultaneously maintaining his_ immaculate footing on his red and green spray paint-coated skateboard when Jeno himself couldn’t even think straight, let alone go straight along the sidewalk.

Because damn,  _Jaemin and Renjun like him?_

If it weren’t for Donghyuck’s fifth burst of mock laughter that afternoon, he would’ve missed their turn.

Ugh. Donghyuck and his laughs. Jeno struggled to know _what the heck is so funny about his best friends falling for him_? No, it can’t be because Jeno’s dimmed sense of humor, _ha._ If anything Donghyuck should be panicking as much as he was – as his childhood best friend, he was entitled to panic with him when the situation calls for it – but alas, it seemed like Donghyuck was too busy making fun of him to even care this was the best time to be a _best friend_ to him. Come to think of it, Jeno can name only three occasions where he laughed at something this hard. First, when Jeno was eight and lost a tooth after skateboarding straight into a wall. (Donghyuck would’ve framed the tooth and gave it a plague or something if they haven’t lost it.) Second, when Renjun’s voice cracked during his talent show. (After all these years, Donghyuck still won't let him live) And third, at some joke Jeno cracked to him once.

“This one’s going in my journal,” Donghyuck had said then, face flushed to the shade of red that almost akin to his present hair. “The only time I actually laughed at something Lee Jeno had said. The only time he’s actually hilarious. A _Christmas Miracle._ "

It was beyond Jeno how Donghyuck found this information as comical as the things he previously listed.

“Okay, okay I’m good.” Donghyuck bit his lips then burst into his seventh round of laughter. “That was... that was the most hilarious news I’ve ever broke in my life so far.”

“So it’s not true?”

“Oh no, it’s true alright. Legit,” Donghyuck said, eclipsing him in zigzag, his bright red hair bouncing after him. “They both confessed to me on the same day. I swear those guys have telepathy or something. Got the same terrible taste too.”

Donghyuck stirred out of the way. Jeno skidded hard right just in time to avoid a fire hydrant in his place. The red-head laughed again.

“To you?” Jeno yelled over the wind. “Why the heck would they confess to you and not to me?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Donghyuck yelled back. He lunged and flipped his skateboard off a pile of garbage bags before landing effortlessly, whooping. “I’m their best friend. I have VIP access to their deepest, darkest secrets.”

_Show-off._

They zipped past through a narrow alley with mice skittering at their wake when Donghyuck toppled a cardboard box on purpose. The stagnant air smell vaguely of rotten bananas, rust and piss all swirled together in his gut. He wrinkled his nose to block out the smell. He wished he can do the same with Donghyuck and the prickling possibility he was not messing with him and was actually telling the truth.

Jeno sped up, crouching low to gain speed and pulled his arms close to his trunk to maintain it. Donghyuck was whistling a familiar tune when Jeno caught up with him.

“Donghyuck I swear if you’re messing with me—”

“Why would I want to mess with you about this? Trust me, buster. Those kids are  _whipped_ for you. Oh, hold on let’s get some ice cream.”

Donghyuck’s skateboard slowed into a halt in front of a familiar ice cream mobile with its window propped open. He jogged right up cheerily, skateboard tucked into one arm, and bowed to the lady inside whose face lit up as soon as he came into view.

Joonjae’s Ice Cream and Frozen Yogurt Mobile was his gang’s favorite. His friends made it clear that their strange patriotism for this mobile alone has something to do with the fact that it’s practically bathed in all shades of pink. But Jeno didn’t get it. He always thought everything about this mobile was too much and too... juvenile; from the kindergartener’s ice cream sketches on each sides to the glaring mirage of pink under the daylight. Also, it’s not the best marketing approach for an ice cream mobile catering a variety of flavors flaunting only pink, luscious strawberry. He smartly kept these thoughts to himself though, a tiny slip up might send them after his neck and dance around his grave waving pink flag-lets.

Donghyuck held out two cones of salted vanilla to him. “I need your wallet.”

“You can’t have it.”

“Whoops, too late I forgot I already got it.” Donghyuck grinned, whipping out Jeno’s brown wallet from his pocket and digging out a bill. “Here you go noona.”

Jeno hissed behind him. “Hey! How’d you get that?”

“Jeno was feeling very generous today. He even gave me his wallet,” Donghyuck flashed his trademark sickeningly adorable smile which was exclusive for the elders only. And prey.

Joonbi noona turned to Jeno. “Aww, that’s so sweet of you Jeno.”

“Isn’t he the cutest best friend a guy can have?” Donghyuck cooed.

The smile Jeno sent over to her was his brand of smile for his own preys.  

The moment they were out of the mobile’s sight, Jeno growled. “You son of a butterhead. Give me that.”

Donghyuck tossed his wallet at him, licking his ice cream. “Butterhead. So ingenious.”

“How did you even get this?”

Donghyuck’s eyes were shining. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

He sighed, tucking his wallet back into his pockets. “What exactly did they say to you?”

“Eh. Some cheesy things I can’t stomach to recount. The point  _is,_ you have a big problem in your hands and if you don’t find a way out of this one soon, it’s gonna get real messy. Like melted ice cream.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

Donghyuck scoffed. “What else than to date one of them?”

Yeah. Sure. Because that is the easiest thing Jeno could do. No sweat. A walk in the park. Donghyuck sized him up silently, flicking the last of his cone away. He snorted for some reason before speeding away in a blur of red and a teasing call of Jeno’s name. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Siyeon is being a bone in my throat,” Jaemin huffed, slumping in his usual seat next to the window. Jeno slipped in the seat next to him as the bus started up.

“The pretty girl from your class?"

“Ha. Pretty.  _Pretty_ nosy. I specifically told her I wanted none of her botanical nonsense yesterday and guess what she did?”

“What?”

“She put an entire rim of posters inside my locker. There was a freaking Niagara Falls when I opened it.” Jaemin groaned, ruffling his brown hair. It was fluffy in the front, smooth at the back and it framed his pretty face like a curtain, it fell just over his eyes. “Jeno, she’s gonna drive me crazy. I don’t even know how she managed to put them there in the first place.”

“Maybe the girl has a crush on you or something. Maybe she likes you.”

Jaemin snorted. “Right. I caught her making out with a college girl inside the dressing rooms. You know that Yuha noona?”

“Oh. She’s pretty too.”

“Yeah right. They’re both  _pretty_ gay. So that rules me out.”

Jeno shrugged. "So just tell her you're in the Theater's Guild and the school play. She'll leave you alone when she finds out you’re second lead."

"Ugh, that's just it. She thinks I'm not doing enough so she wants me to help her with the stupid garden. Ah, never should've promised her anything."

Jeno took out a packet of rice cereal from his backpack and popped it open for Jaemin. "You did? That explains it."

Jaemin held out his hand and mumbled a soft  _thanks_. "She _threatened_ me to promise to help her because,” Jaemin air-quotes. “ _at least in the garden, you’re actually doing something that matters.”_

"How can she think you’re not be doing enough? You're second-lead!"

"She’s like the opposite of drama lovers. She's shit to second leads."

Jeno snorted, playing the crusty yet surprisingly satisfying flakes in his mouth. "Ohh, this is Junnie and Hyuckie’s stop. Maybe we could arrange an ambush party for your friend Siyeon once they hear about it."

The bus pulled up with a soft hiss as the double doors open allowing access to the buzzing torrent of kids. Among them, Jeno spotted a familiar red-head bouncing up the steps among the file and a dirty blonde shuffling after him. Jaemin rested his head on Jeno's shoulder, whining as they got closer.

Donghyuck smirked, walking past them to the empty seats behind theirs. "Good morning to you too, lovebirds."

Renjun smacked Jeno's outstretched hand. "Pass some of those cereal. Hey Nana."

"Hey Injunnie.”

"What's he whining about?" Donghyuck asked, clinging onto the Jeno’s headrest and snatching the packet from his hand.

Jaemin looped his arm through Jeno's. "Go tell them, Lee."

"Siyeon's bothering him."

"Hah," Donghyuck replied, sinking back to his seat. "That ain't our problem."

Jaemin craned his neck. "Sorry Hyuck, I forgot Siyeon totally owned your ass at last year's dodge ball."

Renjun snorted. "And you’ve been scared of her ever since."

"Scared, ha!" Donghyuck scoffed. "She was a formidable foe I do not plan on encountering ever again in my lifetime not because I am  _scared_ but because I acknowledge her abilities and would prefer not to challenge her again."

Renjun and Jaemin high-fived over their heads as they jeered, but Donghyuck seemed unfazed with a tiny smirk at the corner of his lips.

"Hey Duck, I want to trade places with you real quick,” Jaemin said as he nodded at Jeno. "Take my place."

There was a momentary scuffling before Jeno landed in Jaemin's seat and Donghyuck in his place. Up close, the tiny beret perched atop his glaring red hair got easier to notice. He caught him looking and patted it softly. "Cute, huh? Shut up that's Sicheng hyung's."

"I didn't say anything?" Jeno huffed. "What was that about?"

Donghyuck flicked cereal flakes off his top. "Take a guess."

"Hopefully about Siyeon?"

"Right. Don't play dumb with me. You and I both know it's not about her."

From the back, Jeno can barely pick up anything from the hushed conversation over the soft buzzing inside noise besides giggling and Jaemin's shushing noise. The whispering quieted down to be inaudible from where Jeno strained to hear anything. He gave up after a few minutes, staring at the beret next to him instead.

It looked surprisingly cute on Donghyuck.

"I'm still not buying whatever you said to me the other day."

Donghyuck hummed. "You know what, maybe we should just ask them instead. Hey Nana!" He was cut off short when Jeno clasped a hand over his mouth, muffling his next words.

"What?"

"Nothing! Just Donghyuck being an idiot." Jeno's eyes peeked over the headrest before latching his hands around Donghyuck's neck. "You clown!"

"Hey I was just doing you a favor right there. Save you from the trouble,” Donghyuck hissed. “But apparently you’re not appreciating my sentiments.”

“Ugh, just,” Jeno sighed. “Just calm down and don’t do anything stupid. I’ll figure it out.”

“What’s there for figure out?” Donghyuck asked. “It’s literally right there?”

“Just,” Jeno whispered. “Not here.”

When they got off the bus, Donghyuck padded on ahead, wrapping his arm around Jaemin. A few feet behind them, Renjun pulled Jeno’s sleeve to match his slower pace.

“What’s up?” he asked. Up ahead, both his friends were laughing over a joke Donghyuck must’ve cracked.

Renjun shrugged. “Path’s too narrow for the four of us.”

“Oh, okay.”

Donghyuck proceeded to pretending Jeno didn’t exist (bumping into him a couple of times to prove he’s practically air to him) throughout the day before giving up at dismissal when he asked to walk home with him.

 

* * *

 

 

Donghyuck’s newsflash hadn’t changed its meaning to Jeno, thank you very much. He knew it’s always a hit and miss with him. Jeno knew more than anyone else Donghyuck loved messing with people and lived off the adrenaline caused by his spontaneity and that he never meant any real harm behind his actions. Unfortunately, if there’s one thing Jeno had learned about his best friend in all these years of friendship, it’s that he exempts practically no one from his mischief. Not even Jeno. _Especially_ not Jeno. Who knows if this was another one of Donghyuck’s pranks just to see the look on Jeno’s face? Just to be safe, he decided to push it somewhere remote into his mind and tried not to think too much about Renjun and Jaemin’s separate invites over at their houses later that week.

Donghyuck blew a raspberry at him when he found out, the blood orange around his head under the sallow lighting maximizing its effect on him. “This is why I am the better Lee. You never seem to pick up anything.”

“There’s nothing to pick up. They just wanted to hang out with me,” Jeno argued, twisting his cap around his head and absentmindedly wishing Donghyuck would dye his hair another color soon.

There were desperate times when he had to hold back from taking it upon himself to hide the troublemaker’s vivid hair as if it would help him get into less trouble. It glared at everyone like a huge DANGER sign walking around. This was definitely one of those times. Red and Donghyuck were a dangerous combination, the kind that seems to screech chaos even with his actual mouth shut.

“Without the better Lee around and each other?” Donghyuck snorted. “Yeah, right. Keep telling yourself that.”

“Okay fine, let’s just say they do like me and you’re not making stuff up to mess with my head. But why,” Jeno gestured to himself. Dumbly, he later on realized, when Donghyuck gave him another one of his stink-eye. “why me?”

Okay, maybe it really was a dumb question. But it’s not like he can personally walk up to either of them and ask “Hey I heard you like me, so why?” so casually. He’s not even sure if they actually  _do_ in the first place. Donghyuck might still be messing with him for all he knows but still, he couldn't deny he’s been picking up a lot of signs lately now that he has been paying close enough attention. Like the way Jaemin turns to face him fully when he speaks and the way Renjun follows his lips when he barely does that to anyone. The little things were starting to overwhelm him, and all he can think of was the panic crawling up from the pits of his stomach that prevents him from maintaining eye contact with either of his best friends without breaking a deep flush.

Donghyuck laughed at him again, wheezing out derisively. “You are so freaking weird.”

“Shut up, I’m serious about this.”

“No, look at me. Hmm. You know, you’re right. I honestly don’t know why they like you too.” Donghyuck leaned closer to him over the table, squinting at him. “Not-at-all impressive looks up close. Nothing close to mine. Nice teeth but  _eh. No_ fun...”

Jeno tried not to break a deep flush. “But seriously, Donghyuck.”

“Seriously?” Donghyuck leaned away but focused his lazy eyes sharp on him, wiping his mouth. “I can name a hundred and one reasons why but _why_ ask me?”

That weekend, Jeno went to both houses respectively, towing the whiny Donghyuck along each time because it was basically his fault why he was thinking too hard over this.

 

 

“You really can name a hundred and reasons why I’m likable?” Jeno mused.

“Oh yeah.”

“That much?”

“You never know, buster. Maybe this is all just a ploy to send you over to your own narcissistic demise. Like Narcissus the Daffodil homeboy.”

“The what?”

“Because I’m constantly  _plotting,_ you know?”

“Donghyuck.”

“Because I’m a scoundrel set on destroying you. Because I’m not your friend beyond the beginning of our fetus days, way before we’re even  _thought_ of. Because  _I'm_ your bad guy. I have red hair to prove it.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. I believe you.”

“ _Good._ Because I’m starting to think about revoking your best friend card.”

Wow. That’s rich coming from Donghyuck who was always laughing at him. There’s a pause, then suddenly, Jeno felt offended for him. “Red doesn’t always mean evil though.”

Donghyuck laughed.

It’s just loud and very distracting, Jeno thought. But it suited him well.

 

* * *

 

> _**UWU NERDS** _
> 
> **little red:** i do not approve of this chat name someone change it
> 
> **rj:**  jaemin change it
> 
> **nana:**  jeno go change it
> 
> **jen:**  no i dont want to. its cute.
> 
> **jen:** plus its good vibes
> 
> **little red:** bah, says who
> 
> **injun:** have u been hanging out with jungwoo hyung again lmao
> 
> **jen:**  jungwoo hyung’s cool
> 
> **nana:** ah yes the uwu king
> 
> **little red:** whats an uwu
> 
> **little red:** and who the eff made me little red
> 
> **jen:** what its cute :(
> 
> **little red:** i don’t want a cute nickname
> 
> **little red:** I’m all the cute I’ll ever need
> 
> **little red:** who is this king u guys speak of my reign is threatened i can feel it
> 
> **nana:** please
> 
> **rj:** u reigned over nothing so u dont have a reason to feel threatened
> 
> **jen:** the citizens have spoken the truth
> 
> **jen:** u never a king
> 
> **little red:** shut up jenjen
> 
> **little red:** how would u like it if I take back that skateboard i bought for ur bday for that huh suck it
> 
> **little red:** also barf up the cake i bought u renjun
> 
> **nana:** oh petty
> 
> **rj:** gladly. in our room perhaps?
> 
> **jen:** u can't have it :( i alrdy lost it :(
> 
> **little red:** U WHAT
> 
> **nana:** lmao he lost it awhile back how come u just knew abt it now
> 
> **little red:** SO THAT'S WHY U NEVER USE IT
> 
> **little red:** I THOUGHT U WERE TAKING CARE OF IT
> 
> **little red:** PUT IT IN A FRAME SOMEWHERE
> 
> **injun:** whoops busted
> 
> **jen:** IM SSORRY OK IT GOT STOLEN I THINK :(
> 
> **jen:** forgot to bring it in one night and the next day it was gone
> 
> **jen:** IM SORRY
> 
> **little red:** this is the last time I am ever talking to u
> 
> **jen:** I’ll pay u back?
> 
> **little red:** bestfriend card revoked!!!
> 
> **jen:** aw :(
> 
> **nana:** hey while u guys are revoking bestfriend cards and all that why dont u guys drop by the guild for awhile, we got snacks :D
> 
> **rj:** popcorn and peanuts, nothing much
> 
> **nana:** also grilled cheese i made :D
> 
> **nana:** still :D
> 
> **jen:** sure. now?
> 
> **nana:** yeah whenever. we’re going for our 6th practice today. we so freaky
> 
> **rj:** pls dont say that jaem
> 
> **rj:** hes been saying that since Jeffrey hyung
> 
> **rj:** blasted it on the system speakers
> 
> **rj:** for the first time ever, i may have nightmares abt a song
> 
> **rj:** how to unhear
> 
> **nana:** WE SO FREAKY :D
> 
> **rj:** ugh
> 
> **nana:** also im telling jeff hyung
> 
> **rj:** lmao he knows he sucks
> 
> **nana:** renjunnie :(
> 
> **jen:** lmao jun
> 
> **little red:** i’m not going until SOMEONE OUT THERE says he’s sorry and would like to make up for what he did by treating me ice cream my entire life
> 
> **jen:** you mean the thing i’ve alrdy been doing all my life until now?
> 
> **jen:** >:(
> 
> **little red:** ok fair enough I’m going
> 
> **nana:** YAY
> 
> **nana:** WE SO FREAKYYYY
> 
> **rj:** one more jaemin na and i’m choking u
> 
> **nana:** :x

 

* * *

 

 

The second time Jeno was told two his best friends liked him, he was in the bleachers among a few other spectators in the theater, eating popcorn with Donghyuck. He had a protective arm around it, however and all Jeno could do was settle for the fallen pops on his lap which the red-head never seem to bother with.

“They like you so much they wanted you to come here and watch them rehearse for their play,” Donghyuck helpfully said, chewing away. “Also bud, don’t forget you owe me ice cream.”

Both Jaemin and Renjun were part of the drama club where Jaemin acted a supporting role while Renjun sang and painted backdrops as part of the staff. The set onstage was already half-done when they came down. Deep maroon curtains and scene backdrops lined the ground row along with erect human-sized cutouts of green trees and some bushes bearing incredibly intricate details skirting at the wings. Donghyuck blabbered something about Renjun staying overnight to finish painting them up and staying up late himself to keep him company through FaceTime. Lights adorned the barrels overhead, flashing in different colors every now and then for testing.

Renjun greeted them with a grin, holding up a bowl of popcorn and some grilled cheese. He was wearing his circle frames which Jeno thought made Renjun look extra delicate yet striking. “Peanuts over easy. Make yourselves comfortable, you’re our guests for today.”

“Sweet. Important people treatment,” Donghyuck replied, scooping a handful of popcorn.

“Yeah, we usually don’t invite outsiders to come over at practice. Ten hyung says it’s a distraction. He’s not a fan of spoilers and spoiling but today’s an exception so he asked us to invite some “trusty” friends.”

Renjun waved to the silver-haired man standing over at the stage, wearing a director’s headphone. He nodded in response before walking off to the props men further upstage. 

“That’s him? The director?”

“Yup. He’ll be briefing you guys about this afternoon’s assessment. You’re here to give him feedbacks and stuff along with five other spectators right over there,” Renjun said, pointing at the seats where a few people sit comfortably, looking expectantly at the stage.

Jeno nodded. “Ah, so that’s what we’re here for.”

“I should spit out the popcorn,” Donghyuck snarled. “This is real life clickbait.”

Renjun laughed. “It’s honestly not so bad. You can just clap and say  _bravo_ _convincingly_. Believe me, it’s easier to please Ten hyung than you think.”

“So we get to hear you sing then?” Jeno asked, as they made their way down the aisle.

“Yes, but it’s nothing special. You probably won’t even hear my voice.”

“I’m pretty good at detecting your voice though. It’s nasally but distinct and pretty.”

Donghyuck choked on his popcorn and pounded his chest as he coughed his lungs out.

Renjun narrowed his eyes at him, playful. “What do you want?”

“What? Nothing.”

Renjun grinned at him and let it slide, patting Donghyuck’s back. “Sit tight and enjoy the show. Don’t let DH die, there’s drinks over at the front.”

“Dude, what was that for?” Jeno hissed at him once Renjun was finally out of earshot.

“Your mind, Jeno. Your mind.” Donghyuck shook his head. “You had to pull off something like that.”

“It slipped out!” Jeno whisper-shouted through his hand, mildly flushing as it just sunk in how he  _straight out_ flirted with Renjun just now.

“Just don’t do that around me, okay? I’m allergic to your poor flirting. Gives me asthma,” he spat in distaste. “Go fetch me my drink. _Pretty please_.”

Director Ten went over to them and after a few instructions, he set off again settling a few rows of seats away in the mid-section.

Jeno found himself staring at Renjun over in the choir box when the music came up, unconsciously searching for his voice under layers of harmonization. It faltered a bit when their eyes met, and Jeno can’t help but grin at his slightest struggle to get back on track. Man, Renjun’s cute.

Over at the stage, Jaemin was caught up in a sword fight and with that spotlight looming over his head, he was more like an angel despite his contrasting evil second lead role in his black and red prince suit. The instruments picked up when the fight rose in tension, a low thrum of the bass steadily ascending as the maneuvered sword clanging took off to the next harsher, fiercer level. Jaemin rolled, ducked and kicked but the script limited his odds of winning to a measly zero so his enemy (who was the main guy, Jeno later on discovered) thrust his sword through Jaemin’s chest when the choreography ended. He staggered back and fell down on his knees, pale and panting. At this point, Jeno noticed Donghyuck had stopped stuffing himself with popcorn to gape at the stage. (He reached over and closed his jaw for him. Donghyuck swatted his hand away. Jeno giggled.)

Renjun’s solo came through after that as the climax rolled down. When the round ended, Donghyuck clapped first, until the theater was filled with thunderous applause possible for a few handful of people. Donghyuck yelled Jaemin and Renjun’s names through cupped hands and Jeno didn’t need to pretend to be impressed.

“You guys were really good,” Jeno gushed as soon as both boys found him in the stalls after the last round. “The singing! The acting!”

“Thanks.”

Jaemin jabbed Renjun’s ribs softly. “Told ya he’ll like it.”

“No, the question is _do you_ like it,” Renjun returned the jab with his finger, poking Jaemin’s stomach. He squeaked in surprise, prompting a laugh from both his company.

“Like what? Your singing?” Jaemin’s smiles widened. “I _love_ it.”

“You’re not so bad yourself.” Renjun nodded. “Not bad for the bad guy.”

 _Huh._ Aren’t they in this club together? Why does they sound like it’s the first time they’ve seen each other perform?

“The climax was  _ahhhhh,"_ Jeno went on instead, squeezing his chest. "I’m just  _so_  proud of you.”

“Does that mean you’re buying us ice cream?” Jaemin asked, tearing his eyes away from Renjun.

“That’s not good for my throat.” Renjun wrinkled his nose. “Maybe tea for me?”

“Sure, lemme just call Donghyuck.” Jeno twirled around to look for him.

He spotted him at one side, laughing with the assistant director Mark Lee who was Vice President of the Guild at the same time and figured maybe he’s still not over this hyper-awareness to everything-he’s-staring-at high because he found himself admiring the glow in Donghyuck’s eyes.

With some effort, Jeno took his eyes off him and grinned at the boys. “So, ice cream?”

 

* * *

 

 

"Why are you not in theater, Donghyuck?"

"I don't act."

"Yeah, but you can sing."

"So?" Donghyuck asked, skating in lazy circles. The sunset casted a golden glow on him and for a bit, Jeno ignored the sun’s glare and stared on. It burned his eyes; too much red, too much bullion, just _too much._

He didn’t look away though, twirling the last of his cone mindlessly.

"Is not being in theater a crime?"

"Just answer the question."

Donghyuck grinned at him, brighter than the sky behind him. "If I was, who's gonna  _skate_  you home?" 

 

* * *

 

 

The third time Jeno was told his best friends like him, it came straight out of their mouths.

They were having a sleepover at Donghyuck’s attic for the same cheesy reason every time they wanted to hang out. Their parents let them mostly because first, it was better than parties, and second, the folks know each other well enough to have their numbers on call just in case. And third, well, it’s just generally better than drinking illegally at some party somewhere and passing out in some ditch.

Donghyuck had given out red “invitation” cards to each of them, stating the exact time, date and venue for the sleepover. _Attic De La Haechan,_ it said, with a small sticker of a sun slapped in the middle of it. He had bragged about his attic of his for some time now, but despite his extravagant depiction of how he managed to “flip it into perfection”, all Jeno can imagine was the spooky attic of his childhood.

Jeno and Donghyuck had sneaked in there once when they were kids, hand in hand, and the entire place was wrapped in layers of dusts and dotted with boxes covering most of the floor and towering taller than the both of them. They didn’t stay for too long to explore because of Jeno’s nasty allergies and Donghyuck’s angry mom, but in the short ten minutes they’ve been there, the spider webs and the shadows slithered their way into Jeno’s childhood nightmares.

When Jeno stepped into the attic a few years later, it was nothing like the creepy, cave-like attic he can remember.

Donghyuck waved around the cozy loft, beaming with pride. “Gentlemen, welcome to Attic De La Haechan.”

The place screamed _Donghyuck_ _Lee_ from the paper lanterns that lit up from the corners in red and yellow down to the antique phonograph sitting on his table next to a pile of his vinyl collection. One look and Jeno can quickly tell this was Donghyuck’s most intimate chamber. Everything that holds anything of value to him was there, from his favorite toys to his favorite records of all time. A tiny bookcase was propped up against the wall containing children’s storybooks they both love so much as kids and a few novels they gave him for his past birthdays. Every gift Jeno can recall them giving him was there, dustless and in perfect condition. Jeno picked up the snow globe he got for Donghyuck for last year’s Christmas and toyed with it. This was Attic De La Haechan’s first “opening” to the public so the first few minutes were spent silently ogling at the displays in silence. Jaemin bumped his shoulder, giving him a silent proud smile before crowding the polaroids hanging off the wall in a clothesline with Renjun.

There was even a hammock draped across the room with two Moomin pillows (both Renjun’s gifts for him awhile back) and Jeno wasn’t even surprised.

“Haechan?” Jaemin pointed at the stickers in Korean and English posted on his corkboard.

“It’s a clever wordplay. Hae. Sun. Chan. Full. I was once told I held the sun in my mouth.” Donghyuck flashed them an authentic cheery smile for added emphasis.

“Impressive,” Renjun humored.

Jeno had dubbed him that when they were seven; six years before they met Renjun and Jaemin.

“You have a very bright smile, Donghyuckie.” A snotty and blinded Jeno had said then. “Like the sun.”

Donghyuck had beamed at him.

“It burns too!”

Donghyuck had chased him around screaming bloody murder after that despite it not making quite enough sense to the both of them. “It does not!”

“Anyways, what’s mine is yours. Except for that,” Donghyuck pointed at Jeno, who was stunned for a moment. Donghyuck made a clicking noise, and Jeno realized he was pointing at something behind him. He backed up and saw a new guitar case hanging off the wall.

“Ya, don’t even think of touching my baby girl. She’s mine.”

“I didn’t even say anything yet.” Jeno frowned. “And why not? I can play you guys a song. Injun can sing.”

Donghyuck flew across the room to the guitar and mumbled something under his breath before clutching it protectively.

“What was that?” Jeno asked.

“I said, we’re not singing campfire songs tonight.” He sneered before storing his guitar away somewhere safe from Jeno.

“What’s the agenda, Haechan Lee?” Jaemin asked, legs swinging off the hammock with Renjun by his side, hugging the two Moomin pillows with his legs draped over his lap.

“Pillow fights?” Renjun asked, mischief glinting in his eyes as he held the pillows in both hands. “I could use some revenge for the last time.”

“Patience, young padawans. All in good time. For now,” Donghyuck said. “Oh shoot. Snacks. Injeolmi, give me a hand.”

Renjun jumped off the hammock, giving him a tiny salute. “Roger.”

When the two left, Jaemin patted the empty space next to him. “Mark gave him that guitar.”

“Mark from the Guild?”

“Yeah. Apparently, our Donghyuckie has a crush.”

Oh. That’s nice.

Really. It was. It was news to him, but he wasn’t really bothered about the fact that Jaemin, and probably Renjun as well, knew of this before he did. No. Not really. He was just feeling... strangely neutral. He wasn’t happy either. He should be, right? It was an opportunity, one of those momentous episodes in life when your best friend develops a possibly embarrassing crush and it was your immediate, unspoken job to tease him to death about it.

Yeah. Definitely. Jeno had every intention to do just that during their mindless, casual chatting through snack time but as soon as Donghyuck turned to him in attention (eyes round with curiosity, leaning close to him), his mind went helpfully blank and he ended up saying, “Nothing” and stuffing his face with cookies Donghyuck baked earlier.

He found the cookies a bit hard to swallow.

Mark gave him that guitar. (For what?) That’s great. Mark was that cute Guild VP. ( _Why?_ ) Donghyuck has a crush on him. (For how long?) Great. That made sense why Donghyuck doesn’t want him to touch it. (Why didn’t he know about this?)

Donghyuck and Jaemin strongly opposed Renjun’s pillow fight proposal after he made a show of slapping the two Moomin pillows against each other. Jeno feigned a stomachache to excuse himself to bed, stepping over the mattresses sprawled out on the floor and waved off his friends’ concern, ensuring them he’ll be fine after sleeping it off. He laid on the furthest mattress and turned his back on them, hoping his fake snores will sound genuine enough for him to get away with it. It didn’t seem to be a problem because a few minutes into a few board games, they were busy laughing and having a blast without him.

Sometime around midnight when Jeno was still wide awake and the conversation over at the other side of the room sobered, he found out Donghyuck wasn’t really lying to him.

“I like Jeno.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“No offense,” said Jaemin’s voice, a note lower.

“It’s fine, I don’t see why I should be offended,” Renjun said a bit too cheerily. “It’s a bit weird sure, it’s not our fault.”

There he had it, straight out of their very mouths. Donghyuck wasn’t messing with him. That fact settled in Jeno’s stomach, like compact tar, leaving a taste of bile in his mouth he couldn’t get rid of even after that many gulp.

“Whatever happens, we’re still best friends right?” Renjun asked.

There was a hesitant pause, the kind you can easily pretend didn’t exist. Jeno screwed his eyes shut.

“Yeah, of course!”

Donghyuck laughed with them. “Good because I’m gonna beat the crap out of you guys if you said otherwise.”

He tried to sleep, but hot wisps of light danced behind his eyes and the sticky pool in his stomach found its way up his throat and stubbornly decided to settle there for the night. When the lights finally went out, he can feel careful shifting behind him and soon after, a finger poking his back.

“Are you awake?”

Jeno ignored him.

“You can nod if you want. You don’t have to say anything. Uh, are you feeling okay? It wasn’t a stomachache, right? It wasn’t my cookies right?”

Jeno nodded once.

“Knew it. Are you okay?”

One soft nod.

“Did you hear... whatever we said?”

Another reluctant nod.

“Good.” Donghyuck’s dulcet whisper seemed to light his skin on fire. “Jeno, you know you have to pick one right?”

Jeno wanted to hate him for saying that, but all he did was bite down on his lip as hard as he can before he can say something he’ll regret later on.

 

* * *

 

 

The first time Jeno found out he was into boys, he told no one. Not even Donghyuck, but somehow he knew. He always knew stuff before Jeno does. He must’ve figured it out way before Jeno did himself. Possibly even before Jeno knew he wanted to hold that cute guy’s hand from his class and run his fingers through his soft-looking, obnoxiously green hair he liked zoning out over. Before he finally admitted to himself he _liked_ staring at this particular cute guy and occasionally wondered what would it feel like to plant a small peck on his cheek.

When Jeno came out to him at 15 before to anyone else, whimpering and in the verge of tears, Donghyuck didn’t even bat an eyelash because he knew. He looked like he knew from the start.

“Hey welcome to the club,” he offered, grinning eyes shining as bright as the stars that night. “Want to grab ice cream to celebrate? I’ll pay.”

That was the first time Donghyuck had paid for anything.

“You’re fine with it?” It was a desperate question, that kind that seek assurance.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Donghyuck snorted, licking his strawberry-flavored ice cream. “I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

Jeno let out a breathy laugh. “What, gay?”

“No,” he replied, gaze and smiles soft on him. “just yourself.”

 

* * *

 

 

Jeno genuinely likes both Jaemin and Renjun and claims it’s never his fault if he failed to “pick”. Nobody can blame him, not even Donghyuck.

Renjun was smart, funny and responsible. For people like Jeno who was a go-with-the-flow kind of guy and someone certain was exactly all he needs to keep himself grounded. Stable. With direction. Among the four of them, he was the one with band-aid to spare, an extra water bottle and maybe even a month-worth of food supply if one of his friends ask.

If you were to ask Jeno what were the things he liked the most about Renjun, he’d have the pleasure to list his grins first, the way it exposes his canines reminds Jeno of his snaggletooth once before he fixed it upon entering puberty. It was adorable. Renjun was adorable, yielding a blunt personality under a mellow demeanor. What else? Ah. His uncharacteristic yet impossibly adorable Moomin obsession. His random Chinese ramblings, the easy and confident inflection of his tone in his native tongue. His sketches and paintings. His smarts.

 _Ah,_ his smarts. You should hear him engage in one of his famed arguments with Donghyuck which was one of the group’s constant source of entertainment. Both had fiery personalities that dance well with each other in verbal showdown. Because he values his life, Jeno learned not to pick sides though, nodding along to whoever makes the strongest points. Jaemin usually breaks it up when the atmosphere gets way too passionate or when Jeno looks a bit too scared to even nod along.

(“I’m not scared of you guys.”

“Shut up, softie.”)

Jaemin, on the other hand, was sweet, smooth and fluid, like water. Soothing. Cool to the touch. He was also the easiest to be around with, and his lips twitch cutely when he speaks. Jaemin has to have the most expressive eyes that speak lengths without words. The same shade of affection in his eyes translates well to his actions, peppering them with kisses and hugs whatever chances he gets. Jeno dodges them fairly well, putting up a convincing façade he didn’t want any of those. At some moments of weakness however, he savors his lips against his cheek and arms around him to the best that he can, missing the warmth as soon as they left his skin.

But as much as he can’t help it, he wasn’t brave enough to ask for more, just as he wasn’t brave enough to tell Renjun in his face how much he likes the food he cooks for him when he knew this was the only thing keeping Renjun after him in his futile attempts to get Jeno to like his food.

There was always something holding Jeno back and that something makes a point that choosing one of them just doesn’t feel right.

It crossed his mind a lot of times before. He entertained the idea with some effort. Him and Renjun. Him and Jaemin. Sometimes one more often than the other. Stepping past the line with either of them sent his stomach hurling in ways he couldn’t make out whether it’s a good thing or the opposite of it.

For the record, he tried.

He tried ways he thought would finally leave him with a choice, to at least satisfy Donghyuck and cease his nagging but he knew he wasn’t doing it right. It doesn’t feel remotely right. He had his own feelings to consider on top of everything else.

“This sucks for you I get it,” Donghyuck said, toying the red candy with his teeth. It smeared his lips, making it glossy pink. Jeno had to look away.

“But knowing who and what you want this early into it is better for all of us,” he added, tossing the can in hand for the nearest trash bin. It went in. “You just had to pick one.”

Donghyuck left him alone for a week after that, simmering down his usual overly-charismatic personality a few notches to what he thought was giving Jeno some time and space to think. Because of the lack of better things to do, they frequent the Guild in that duration, swinging by for a couple more pop-ins Ten the director graciously allowed. Donghyuck spent his time tailing Mark whom he’d grown extremely close to according to Jeno discreet observation.

“Oh you just noticed?” Jaemin asked, sparing a quick look over at their direction in the plush seats, Mark laughing at whatever Donghyuck pointed onstage. “I think they’ve known each other for awhile. They seem close.”

“Look at him all grown up and flirting.” Renjun cooed, pressing next to him with an arm around his shoulder. “They look great together.”

“I bet his ass is working to get himself invited to prom.”

Prom was only a few weeks away and it whispered a steady, annoying whir over Jeno’s ear in the form of practically everyone at school, so it made sense if Donghyuck was at the same boat as everybody else. Probably pitching for a prom date. Probably Mark.

“Ha. He’s not getting it though.”

Jeno looked up at Renjun for that comment and for a bit, he returned the look, curiously.

“Wanna bet on it?” Jaemin posed.

“Sure,” Renjun replied. “Lunch for a whole month. On you.”

Jaemin laughed. “You’re on, Mr. Huang.”

They engaged into a handshake, leaving Jeno mindlessly eyeing their hands weaving and whipping about. His eyes snapped right back up in attention when Jaemin poked his cheek.

“Earth to Jeno?”

“Yeah?”

“I said, who’re you taking to prom?”

Jeno’s eyes danced between his expectant onlookers, shrugging. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m not going at all.”

“Going where?” The newcomer had the audacity to sink heavily next to Jeno, wrapping an arm around his shoulder brashly as if he hasn’t already done enough damage even without his very presence in the conversation.

“Prom. We’re asking him who he’s asking out.”

Jeno could feel Donghyuck burning a hole on his temple.

“I’m not taking anyone,” he said simply.

Up front, Ten’s voice thundered. “Break’s over! Get back to your positions! We’re starting in two!”

When Renjun and Jaemin shuffled away, Donghyuck clapped his hand on his shoulder. “This is your chance, Jeno. Ask one of them out.”

Jeno shrugged his arm off.

“Are you taking Renjun? Jaemin? Spill. How can I help?”

“You can’t, Donghyuck.”

He frowned, pouting a bit. _What the heck._ “Why not?”

 _What the heck is he whining about?_ “You can’t. Because I’m not asking one of them out.”

The pout vanished, his lips pressed in a thin line. “You’re missing a big opportunity.”

“You don’t understand, Donghyuck.”

“Neither do you,” he replied grimly, standing up and walking off somewhere. “Fine. Whatever. If you lose a lot, don’t come at me crying.”

Donghyuck didn’t understand a thing.

That afternoon, the Better Lee didn’t skate home with him. As soon as the last round of run-through ended, he got lost in the stream of exhausted students on the way out and unsurprisingly, so did Vice President Mark. Renjun and Jaemin had to drop by the library first to pick up a few things but Jeno was far too bummed out for some reason to tag along so at top speed, he rocketed down the street alone with arms in and trunk low.

He’s probably off somewhere with his new best friend Mark and Jeno thought he should be thanking Mark instead for relieving him of Donghyuck. Jeno thought it was a good thing. Even just for the entire afternoon, no one was around to nag him. No one to remind him of lost “opportunities” and force open new ones for him. No one to remind him he needs to make up for his grave mistake of existing and pick one of his best friends who fell for him because _it’s his fault and no one else’s_ , that both Renjun and Jaemin were just victims and the least Jeno has to do was to pick one of them to date. No one to completely disregard his feelings. No one to trample all over them with his sharp tongue and round, sparkly eyes.

On the way home, Jeno passed the ice cream mobile they love so much and held back the urge to spray black paint all over the pink canvas just to prove that he can.

 

* * *

 

When Jeno found out about Siyeon’s plan to ask Jaemin out, he was crouched under one of the mess hall’s tables with Donghyuck’s face only a breath away from his face.

Jeno didn’t even see it coming. The red-head dragged him to the caf by the arm when he saw him wandering the halls aimlessly, without so much as a word of explanation other than a finger against his lips.

Jeno hated himself sometimes. Hated himself for blindly complying to Donghyuck’s demands whenever he sees him be this rarely solemn and set on something. Hated himself for shutting up and keeping it shut as Donghyuck shoved him under the lined up tables and gestured him to keep crawling. If he’d only protested, he wouldn’t be in this situation right now, curled up in a ball, arms around his knees and face to face with Lee Donghyuck whose glowing face remind him of the excitement of a kid Donghyuck whenever they play hide-n-seek back in the summers of their childhood.

Only this time, he was trying to stifle it. Biting his lips and shifting his eyes to the less amusing things to keep himself from smiling. He succeeded, but his desire was clear to Jeno. Who was he trying to fool really? Donghyuck _enjoyed_ this. Playing spy. Hiding under the tables like kids. Eavesdropping. Donghyuck breathed for moments like this.

As for Jeno, well, he’s not really breathing at all right now.

Donghyuck’s face took up Jeno’s entire vision that it proved extremely hard to concentrate on anything other than the stupid pounding inside his chest. It echoed in his ears, like a persistent bass in the back of his head and all he could do was blink and stare ahead.

Donghyuck was staring at him too, but with all bearings Jeno didn’t have, eyes wide yet sharp in concentration and head tilted slightly to the side as they listened in on the two girls.

“Ah, I’m nervous.”

Siyeon was talking to Kyla a few tables to the right, and if it weren’t for a couple more students seated in the way and the growing risk of getting caught the more they move, they would’ve dared to edge closer. At least, Donghyuck would because he was the fearless one. Always.  

“Don’t be. Just... go straight up to him and ask him out.”

“I would’ve if he wasn’t with that Renjun guy so much,” said her voice. She sighed. “Ah, Na Jaemin you’re giving me a huge freaking headache.”

“So? What’s the big deal? You can ask to talk to him privately. He’ll take the hint.”

Siyeon groaned. Jeno could feel his face warming up from the lack of air. Donghyuck was adorably blinking and that sight actually managed to pain him even more.

“Come on, Siyeon it’s now or never.”

More groaning from Siyeon. Jeno risked sucking air through his mouth. Donghyuck looked away, sucking his lips.

“No one has asked him yet right? He hasn’t asked anyone yet right?”

“For prom or like, to go out?”

“Both.”

“No one. I’m positive. Donghyuck is a reliable inside source.”

Before Jeno can say anything, Donghyuck raised a finger to his lips and nodded at him. The bell rang mercifully, and countless pairs of legs scuffled away from the tables including Siyeon’s and Kyla’s. When they finally managed to crawl out of the tables and dodge out of sight, he grabbed Donghyuck by the arm and pulled him aside from the stream of students heading out of the cafeteria.

“What was that about Lee Donghyuck?”

“Okay, Kyla asked. I had to tell her the truth,” Donghyuck replied, softly prying Jeno’s hands off him. “I had a hunch about Siyeon and thought you should know about it.”

Jeno walked off ahead, letting Donghyuck catch up in jogs. Unbelievable. The things Donghyuck do. The things he thinks are necessary to be done. _Unbelievable._

“I think you like Renjun more.”

“What makes you think that?”

Donghyuck shrugged. “You didn’t look too bothered by the fact Jaemin is about to get asked out.”

They told Renjun about Siyeon’s plan to ask Jaemin out and Jeno thought it was funny because by the time Jaemin walked up to them with their drinks in hand, Renjun stared at him the entire time, averting his gaze only when Jeno caught him looking at Jaemin.

 

* * *

 

 

“Honestly,” Donghyuck complained around a mouthful of popcorn. “Are you this panicked gay that you can’t even choose between Jaemin and Renjun?”

Donghyuck was back at it.

Jeno’s hands stilled over his keyboard. “What is that?”

Donghyuck collapsed under his immaculately-built pillow fort, bouncing popcorn all over the place and chewing away like your everyday hamster in a pet shop. He got Jeno’s specs on, skewed on the bridge of his nose because of all his chewing.

He snorted. “Panicked gays don’t deserve fluffy pillows. Let alone pillow forts.”

“First, I spent 30 minutes building that so I definitely deserved that. Second, I don’t know what that is so joke’s on you.”

“What’s so hard to understand?” Donghyuck pointed a butter-coated finger at him. “You are gay. And you’re panicked. Too panicked who couldn’t put his shit together to pick one.”

Jeno flicked a popcorn off his keyboard but didn’t speak.

The red-head reached for something in his pocket and tossed a phone over to him. It sported an open iMessage on screen.

“What the, you knew the code?”

“Wasn’t that hard,” Donghyuck shrugged. “0023. Try harder.”

Jeno shoved him to topple back onto the crumpled sheets, spilling the popcorn all over his comforter.

“Hey!”

“You went over my messages?!”

 _‘You went over my messages?!”_ Donghyuck mimicked high-pitch, picking popcorn from off the sheets and popping them into his mouth. “You’ll thank me for the last message. Check both.”

Despite the lack of any names, Jeno instinctively scrolled through his conversations with both Jaemin and Renjun and almost dropped his phone as he read Donghyuck’s recent adventure on it.

“You asked them both out?!” Donghyuck fell off the bed with a loud thud. “Hyuck, what the hell?!”

“ _Hyuck, what the hell?!”_

“What the hell were you thinking?!”

Fueled with instantaneous rage, Jeno tackled him to the floor, yelling as he clawed and pulled his leg. Donghyuck’s foot missed his face by a few inches. The guy always goes for the face first and years of roughhousing helpfully supplied Jeno that vital information. Donghyuck slipped out from his grasp instead, grabbing his leg to gave way under his weight. Jeno fell on his back hard as Donghyuck scrambled away from him with a loud groan.

“That’s a fake messaging app, gotcha!”

Seething, Jeno did a dive for his phone. He sighed, then tossed the phone back on his bed. “What the hell was that about?!”

Donghyuck looked smug as he heaved. “That’s about me, asking you to make your mind up.”

Ah, here we go again.

“You have outstayed your welcome. Be gone, Donghyuck,” Jeno growled.

He didn’t, however. Because Donghyuck never “begones”. He always sticks around, like he does right now, even after he had outstayed his welcome. Even if he wasn’t welcome at all. Despite the fact that it must be more of a good than bad thing in this friendship, Jeno had enough. He wasn’t about to go through another one of Donghyuck’s insensitive pestering about this entire situation.

Donghyuck had a straight face on this time, one that Jeno still can’t decipher whether he’s actually making a serious point or faking one even after almost six years of friendship with him. Jeno’s specs were long gone from his face.

“There’s a huge drift between Renjun and Jaemin right now. If you weren’t aware of it,” Donghyuck said. “Invisible to your eyes. Guess who had to put up with what’s happening behind it? Yeah, me. Jaemin cried over the phone with me twice now. Renjun acts as if everything’s okay and that’s a lot worse.”

Jeno’s throat went dry. “What?”

“They’re both pretty good actors if you ask me. Fooled you into thinking nothing’s wrong when in fact they’re not speaking terms lately,” He plopped down unto the bed. “I just thought I’d let you in on their secret. You are their best friend after all. Aren’t you?”

It didn’t come out sarcastic at all, but Donghyuck had this incredible talent at making his point reach across without so much as using any other tones other than his norm. His round eyes had something to do with it, doe yet somehow sharp enough to pierce through him. Donghyuck belly-flopped unto the bed and rested his chin on his hands. “Your move, Mr. Lee Jeno.”

“I thought they’re alright with it.”

“As long as you don’t pick one soon, they’re gonna look at each other as if they’re rivals. I can feel the tension.” Donghyuck curled his fingers and pulled on the rubber band around his wrist. “If you stretch it out like this for too long,” The band snapped against his wrist, branding blooming red where it hit. “it’s gonna hurt a lot more.”

“Pick one,” Jeno spat, head warming up. “You think it’s that easy? Pick one like it’s as easy as that? You haven’t even considered how I feel about this entire thing! Pinning it on me as if it’s my fault. Pushing me into doing something I don’t. Pulling stunts like that, calling me names. That’s too much, Donghyuck. Even for me who’s putting up with you all our lives!”

Donghyuck sat still, dazed for a few seconds before blinking and looking away. His own words weighed down unto Jeno and he crumbled at the look on the red-head’s face.

“H-Hyuck, I don’t mean it like that.”

Donghyuck heaved himself off the bed, eyes cold. “No. Square up. Tell me how you feel then.”

Jeno felt helpless. “I-I don’t want to be the jerk.”

“Hey, you’re not the jerk,” Donghyuck chided sharply. “It’s not your fault they like you.”

“I’ll end up being one anyway.” He shook his head. “I just . . .” _Just._ “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t want them torn, they’re my best friends and they’re each other’s best friends before . . .” _Before they like me._

The air stilled between them for a few minutes, leaving plenty of room for the whole ordeal to settle in for the nth time. It clawed at Jeno’s chest, puncturing marks here and there. On top of this, Jeno has to deal with the fact that Renjun and Jaemin’s friendship was at risk and at stake here either way. Picking one now wouldn’t make much difference.

Donghyuck kicked his shin softly. “Hey. I’m sorry for being douchey and not caring about how you feel at all. I just care a lot about those nerds. Almost forgot you’re the biggest nerd I need to look out for the most.”

Glaring at him softly, Jeno clicked his tongue. “Sure.”

“It’s just easier, you get it right?” he whispered, blinking.

Jeno didn’t.

“If you end up with either of them.” Donghyuck blinked, shaking his head. “But yeah, we already established that. You don’t have to pick one if you don’t. I mean, pfft. I don’t want you to cry. We don’t want that.”

“I can really feel that you care for me so much.”

The red-head’s lips curled. “Be honest with me.”

“About what?”

“You don’t like either of them, do you?”

 _Oh shit._ “Uhh . . .”

The doorbell pierced through the air, making Jeno jump from where he’s standing. He chuckled nervously, tripping on his feet as he peered out the window to see Jaemin standing outside his front door, waving.

“Hey bunny boy! Yeah, no, sorry, this is strictly Hyuck and Jenjen day,” Donghyuck yelled, wrapping an arm around Jeno.

Jaemin waved again. “I have a best friend pass. I think it says it guarantees me no limits to my best friend privileges.”

Donghyuck spared him an unsure glance before yelling again. “Jeno will see you shortly. You have 30 minutes. It’s still Hyuck day.”

As he was leaving the room, Jeno could feel the red-head’s eyes on him, slicing open a hole through his soul like he always has ever since day one. He had wondered the same thing, exactly why he found it hard to choose one. But as he approached a grinning Jaemin with tired eyes however, he wanted to melt right there and then as he remembered exactly why.

Neither Renjun and Jaemin had the same sparkly eyes that can rival the stars and smiles that can outshine the sun.

“Hey, there’s my favorite boy.”

“Hey Nana.”

When Jaemin left, Donghyuck was blasting _Call Me Baby_ on Jeno’s speakers, in the middle of rebuilding the pillow fort.

“What did he want?”

Jeno shrugged, still couldn’t quite tear that leftover smile off his lips. “Discuss prom plans? He said he wanted to see me. Us, I mean. He’s on his way to Renjun’s house now.”

“Huh. That’s weird,” he said, folding Jeno’s quilt haphazardly in his lap. “Guess he didn’t want to talk me?”

“Yeah, that’s weird.”

Donghyuck looked up at him. “Are you gonna help me or not?”

 

* * *

 

Nana wasn’t there to discuss prom plans. He was there to tell Jeno he liked Renjun.

Not gonna lie, it took Jeno a few seconds to absorb. And another minute to finally get over it and close his mouth.

Jaemin liked Renjun. For real.

“But . . . when was this?” Jeno wheezed, pathetically.

Jaemin didn’t judge though, he was shaking his head like he didn’t believe it either. “I don’t know, for awhile now I guess? I thought I liked you.” He looked apologetic. Jeno waved a dismissive hand at him. “But I guess it was RJ all along. When I knew he got asked out by one of the girls from the class, I thought I was gonna die of jealousy.”

“Classic Na Jaemin.” Jeno shook his head, then remembered something. “Oh. What about Siyeon?”

Jaemin looked at him curiously. “What about Siyeon?”

 _Oops._ “Ah, well, I thought she wanted to ask you out.”

“Where the heck did you get that from?”

Jeno rubbed the back of his head. “We kinda . . . overheard her talking to her friend about it during lunch. Donghyuck had been their mole to your prom plans and love life.”

“Huh,” Jaemin mused, forehead scrunching. “I thought she was gay.”

“Me too.”

“I don’t think you were just there at the right moment and the right place,” Jaemin spared him a curious glance, Jeno shrugged. “Donghyuck is something, isn’t he?”

“Yeah. Yeah he is,” Jeno agreed, staring at the blades of grass swaying to the draft. “He told me about you guys liking me. You and Renjun.”

_“No.”_

“Yeah, he kinda did.”

Jaemin huffed. “That bastard.”

 _Plus I heard you talking about it while I was pretending to be asleep on that sleepover._ “Hey, it turned out okay?”

Jaemin looked offended. “Yeah, because it turned out I don’t really like you. I mean, dude, no offense—”

“None taken.”

“—I like Renjun. Not you. But if it turned out I did and we both did, he would’ve made it things a bit more complicated.”

Jeno nodded idly, taking everything into perspective. It really would’ve been messy if things took a different turn. These kind of things must come from Jaemin and Renjun themselves and Donghyuck shouldn’t rat his own best friends out, that’s just not how friendships work. But surprisingly, Jeno felt defensive for the red-head knowing Donghyuck had spilled the beans out of concern for all of them regardless of the methods he chose to go with. He wanted to give Jeno a heads up not to draw out the awkward situation for long by shedding Jeno some light on it when Renjun and Jaemin couldn’t. The nagging had been insensitive yes, heck they were _painfully_ annoying (emphasis on painfully) and Jeno admitted he wished Donghyuck wasn’t as good at pestering him like that. But they all knew he was forthright and fond of cutting corners and his scheme was just . . . so him. Your best friends won’t tell you they like you themselves for some reason? Cool, but you should know. You should bear the weight of knowing you’ll somehow be forced to choose one of them because you can’t have it all, can you?

Yup, that was so Donghyuck. Tough. Head-on.

Jaemin still seemed a bit hung up about it, but shook his head. “Whatever. I’m giving him a piece of my mind some other time. I can’t be pissed, I need to be _gay_ you know? I’m about to see Renjun in a few minutes.”

A boisterous laugh slipped past Jeno’s lips. “You are _so gay_ right now, don’t worry. I can probably hear your heart singing Renjun’s name right now. You can’t even sing.”

Surprisingly, Jaemin flushed pink and beamed one of his all-too-good for this world smiles. “I don’t know . . . accepting it is a whole different story from just feeling. Letting it breed inside me was just all me. I can let it happen without acknowledging it at all. But then the moment I do, it’s just . . . _boom.”_

Jeno chuckled. “Yeah. Because love is a bomb.”

“Hiding it from you guys felt like shallow breathing.” Jaemin breathed, eyes wide. Constricting it inside myself felt like having asthma.”

Jeno nodded enthusiastically. “You don’t have to feel like you have asthma anymore, man.”

“Yeah. That leaves me to the prospect of breathing itself then. Also known as Huang Renjun.”

“Aw _god,”_ Jeno groaned.

Jaemin swiped a hand across the air, eyes dreamy. “The love of my life.”

“Ah.” Jeno cringed, nose scrunching. “Save it for the only person who cares.”

“You’re right. See, this is why you’re not the one I’m in love with, you don’t care about deep stuff like this plus you’re boring.”

“Dude, those deep stuff are what define boring.” Jeno grinned, patting Jaemin’s back. “Go get RJ and tell him that gross stuff.”

It was like getting hit by a comet you knew was coming. For Jeno, it felt like that and then felt like he was bunching up the huge meteorite in his hands and throwing off of him after two seconds. The tar in his stomach dissolved in his guts and disappeared into thin air.

He felt lighter than ever. Jeno knew exactly what that meant for him and as Jaemin’s  back got smaller and smaller as he trudged down the sidewalk, he couldn’t stop grinning.

Jaemin liked Renjun. And Jeno realized he was completely fine with that.

 

* * *

 

 

“If it’s so easy, what if I ask you the same question, Lee Donghyuck,” Jeno said, staring straight up his white, boring ceiling. Fabric tangled his limbs and pillows loomed over him from all directions. The rebuilding of the pillow fort was only a half-success because neither of the builders were actually committed to it. They gave up after agreeing a weak barricade would suffice, ending up sprawled all over the floor with Donghyuck humming against his stomach, the vibrations of his vocals tickling his belly. He finished it off with a questioning loop at the end. “Say both Jaemin and Renjun’s in love with you and I’m forcing you to choose one. Who would you choose?”

“Hmm.”

“Let’s just say, Mark’s not one of the options.”

Donghyuck lifted his head a little, throwing him an amused look. “Hmm?”

Jeno bit the insides of his cheek. “You can’t choose him.”

“So I won’t.”

_Good._

“So?”

He hummed again. “I won’t choose either of them. Jaemin and Renjun.”

“See?”

“If I really had to choose one,” Donghyuck said aloud, as if taunting imaginary rivals lurking in the shadows. “I’d choose you.”

The steady tick-tock of Jeno’s alarm clock by his bed bounced off his bedroom walls as the answer hung heavily between them.

Jeno cleared his throat. “No, like, who’re you gonna choose to be with?”

“You.”

Jeno felt like he was about to burst due to so much internal pressure. He struggled up after a few thundering heartbeats, shoving a whining Donghyuck off his stomach and heaved. Any more second lying down would’ve drowned him in his own crazily pumping blood. He had to look away from Donghyuck to hide the crimson residue dotting his cheeks and to get his freaking chest to hold down, because _the heck_ , was it trying to kill him for beating too fast?

“I don’t think you get the question, Hyuckie.”

“Eh,” his lazy voice said.

Jeno didn’t shoo Donghyuck away when he proceeded to rest his head against his back until Jeno’s mom called for dinner. 

 

* * *

 

 

“So. You and Mark.”

Jeno scowled. They’re back again at the attic, lying side by side staring at the red and yellow-stained ceiling with tiny suns dotting all over on it. That name shouldn’t be mentioned within the walls of the Haechan Paradise, of their childhood. It’ll just stick out in the air like a sore thumb and Jeno hated sore thumbs.

“I mean you have beef with him or something?” Donghyuck asked. He can hear the smile in his voice.

Jeno shrugged. “I don’t.”

“Okay how about some other meat then, if not beef?”

Donghyuck was laughing now, and Jeno found it hard not to at least chuckle even if it wasn’t his best joke. Everything seemed in place now. They’re both embedded in their childhood, shoulder to shoulder on the floor like they used to. Like they always prefer to. Donghyuck’s scent everywhere, Donghyuck himself lying beside him. Red and yellow.

Red doesn’t always mean evil. Red doesn’t always mean DANGER. Well, maybe in a sense but Jeno couldn’t count with his fingers how many times had he been this reckless. With Donghyuck, it’s incredibly easy to do so.

“I didn’t know you play guitar?” Jeno started, skirting around the topic.

Donghyuck hummed. “I wanted to learn. Mark’s giving me lessons.”

“That’s nice,” Jeno said. “But you know I can play right?”

Donghyuck’s head shifted to look at him. Jeno did the same. “Your point is?”

“I have the abilities to teach you myself.”

The red-head chuckled. “It’s just lessons, Lee Jeno. Don’t get your panties up a bunch.”

“You weren’t singing or anything?”

“Nope,” Donghyuck said, popping the “p”. “But I’ll tell you when he gives up on me. I already broke too many of his strings so it’s only a matter of time.”

Did Jeno ever mention he really loved the mellow of the red and yellows and the suns on the ceiling? It looked perfect all the way up there, looked fitting. Being up here, next to the warmest person he know? Because he loved that so much he’ll be willing to stay like this forever.

They fell asleep like that; shoulder to shoulder, head to head, with faces only a breath away.

 

 

 

 

 

“Remember what I said about you losing a lot?”

“Yeah?”

“Well,” Donghyuck drawled. “Turned out our Injunnie and Nana got together last night.”

Jeno dropped his phone on the carpeted floor.

Donghyuck scoffed. “Now, that’s theatrical.”

“Seriously?”

Donghyuck shrugged, sipping the steaming coffee he made himself. “Ack, that’s too strong. Where’s your sugar?”

“Donghyuck!”

“I was serious!” The red-head exclaimed, scooping six spoonfuls of sugar into his coffee and stirred the sandy mess. “We should like, takeout pizza and take it over to celebrate.”

Jeno gaped, idiotically. Okay, now that was a bit more unexpected but _wow,_ Jaemin wastes no time. That meant Renjun felt the same. All along. He wanted to laugh, he _meant_ to at least giggle, but all he managed was an epic jaw drop.

Donghyuck reached over the table to close his jaw.

“We should buy them the one with pineapples,” he said cheerfully, batting his eyes. “for good luck.”

“How did this happen?”

“Oh, you’ll never believe how simple it was,” Donghyuck wiggled  in his seat, shoulders hunched in excitement. “Jaemin dropped by, right? After that, he went to Renjun’s house, stayed there, talked this whole thing out with you like men. Maybe, laid on the grass for a long while, talking about the stars probably and all that sentimental shit before Renjun got up and kissed Jaemin. Got me like crazy. Plot twist of the century.”

“How did you even know that’s what happened exactly?”

“I saw Jaemin’s tweets.”

“Ah.”

“What’s the matter, lover boy?” Donghyuck raised his brows at him. “What, you think they’ll never get over you? Hah. Turned out we’re both wrong. They were better off together. Hold on, let me call them.”

Before Jeno had time to protest, Donghyuck had already whipped out his phone and was scrolling and tapping away. He held the phone out, now on speaker, as it rang a few times before someone answered. _“Yeah?”_ Jaemin.

“Oh hello lovebirds! Lovely day! Had lunch yet? Jenjen and I are coming over, we’re bringing pizza.”

_“Oh? Nice. We’re at RJ’s house. He wants one with lots of olives.”_

“Yeah? No, we’re bringing pineapple. For good luck. Jeno and I are both happy about your relationship! Aren’t we, Jeno?”

The red-head devil held the phone over Jeno’s mouth with an expectant look.  _“Jeno?”_

“Yeah, I’m here.” Jaemin.

Donghyuck whispered, his bangs prickling his eyelids. “Say, congrats and you’re happy for them.”

Aloud, Jeno said, “Congrats and I’m happy for you guys.”

Donghyuck tried to shake the hair out. Jeno stared him with a fond smile on his lips and didn’t quite tear his eyes away until the red-head looked up. In those seconds, there was a brief pause on the other line before Renjun spoke. _“Yeah? That’s great to hear. Come down here with the pizza.”_

“Yeah sure. Totally.”

 _“Jeno,”_ Jaemin spoke. “ _please don’t let Hyuck order Hawaiian—”_

“We’ll be there in a bit goodbye love birds!” Donghyuck hung up and stretched. “Get up and pull yourself together. From now on, we’re gonna be good best friends to the both of them, ya hear?”

“I’ve been literally doing just that for the last 2 years,” Jeno said, jumping off his own stool and swiping his wallet into his pocket. “Let’s go. I’m ready.”

Stopping, Donghyuck stared at him through narrowed eyes.

“What?”

The red-head squinted harder. “You’re awfully chirpy.”

“What’s not to be chirpy about? My best friends are in love,” Jeno sing-sang, making a bee-line past Donghyuck. “You’re coming or not?”

 

* * *

 

 

“Donghyuck,” Jeno yelled over the wind. They were speeding down the sidewalk, once again like masters of it and slaves to the winds. “How do you tell someone you choose him?”

“What?!” Donghyuck yelled back. “Can’t hear you!”

Jeno curved his skateboard, skidding into a halt much to Donghyuck’s surprise. He stopped a few meters ahead, head raised in question.

“I said how do you tell someone you choose him?”

It took Donghyuck a few minutes before the question sank in, turning to the side to hide the grin that had involuntarily sprouted across his glowing face. Even from the distance, it was clear he was equally flustered and pleased. At the sight, Jeno couldn’t fight off the beaming.

He did that. He made him blush.

“Ya, answer me.”

“You tell him the truth and say,” Donghyuck sucked in his breath. “he’s the Better Lee?”

Jeno flipped his board off, catching it with a free hand and walking up to him. Even at times like this, Donghyuck had managed to look smug and less flustered than what he clearly feels. That’s talent on itself, he had to give him that.

“You really know how to jump at an opportunity when you see one,” Jeno asked.

Donghyuck shrugged, bouncing a bit on his toes. “Hey, you obviously _think_ so.”

Jeno leaned down, a hand on his shoulder to stop him from bouncing too much. “Hmm, maybe?”

 

* * *

 

 

The first time Donghyuck kissed him, well, it was okay. It didn’t really feel like losing a lot. For Jeno, it felt like having it all.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> sim: keep the tags  
> soph: keep the tags  
> cla: keep the tags
> 
> the citizens have spoken, which also means i only take 1/4 of the blame. thank you soph for being such a babe and for going through all those lows with me and this fic as one of the loveliest beta ever to exist. ily!!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/meoksin)


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